It's Called Fanfiction
by RavenclawWithHisNoseInABook
Summary: Harry and Ron burst into the room. "Rose, Albus, is it it true?" Harry asked. "What's true?" Rose and Albus said at the same time. "You two being in love with each other!" Ron exclaimed. "And where did you get that idea?" Rose and Albus asked, laughing. "Some website where are there are stories about us!" "Dad, it's called Fanfiction..." And so the reading of Fanfictions begins...
1. Chapter 1: Discovery

**New story time! I had this idea in my head for quite a while now. Now, I know in my other story, The First Years, that I said that since I was on vacation, I wouldn't be able to update. Turns out our hotel has free Wi-Fi! Yay! Sadly, it's on for about 15 minutes at a time. Oh well. I'll update soon! In the meantime, enjoy the story! (And review this story and the other one!)**

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Harry logged on to his computer. Ever since Arthur Weasley discovered computers, laptops, and Wi-Fi, the whole Potter-Weasley family had had an obsession. There were literally duels for the computer in the family. Family reunions were dreaded, considering the last few were mass chaos with the whole family fighting to get a turn to play Minecraft and other games. Harry sighed. He was so happy to have his own office, with his own computer, away from the computer at home, which was admittedly better than this one, but one that he didn't have to give up for his children. He was always asked if he was done, and because of his conscience and because he loved his wife and children very much, he would always say, "Yes, I'm done," even if he wasn't. Then the kids would go play a game, or his wife would go on some shopping site or chat, and all his hard work that he had been doing for the last two hours would be gone. He had taken to working late just to have his own time on the precious machine. Thank goodness the discovery had made its way to the Ministry.

He searched up popular sites with his free time. A site, Fanfiction, popped up. Reading through the description through the link "Unleash your imagination!", he decided he would give it a shot. He clicked on the links, and went to "Books". The first link was "Harry Potter". Well that was odd, he thought. This website has my name on it. How peculiar. He also saw other books and series that his family enjoyed, but those of course, unlike him, weren't real. _I should check this out in case this is some Death Eater trick. _He knew that he was probably just being paranoid, but according to the Ministry, because times were so peaceful, wizards had started thinking that it was all a ruse for the Death Eaters to come back to power by lulling people into a false sense of security. Then, while the Ministry was idle, the Death Eaters would strike. This was all nonsense of course, but after there had been protests and thousands of owls flying into the building, they told their workers to try to actually _do _something. Which was hard because there was _nothing _to do. Nevertheless, Harry was on the alert more if not to catch a Death Eater, than to stop the barrage of letters coming into his office. He had just finished reading one, actually.

_Dear Harry Potter,_

_I've noticed that you haven't done much lately in the wizarding world. I am most grateful to you for defeating the Dark Lord and all that, but honestly! What do you do in that office of yours? No progress has happened with the Aurors ever since all the Death Eaters had been rounded up. Supposedly. For someone chased by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, you are being very careless. Just wait. The Death Eaters are going to break out, and it will be all your fault Harry Potter, for not being more careful! This is why I am writing to you. You will thank me after you being more careful saves the wizarding world once again. All I ask is that you mention me in one of your interviews. And perhaps suggest a reward._

_Thank you for your time,_

_Barnaby Helipo_

He was getting more of these letters day after day. And he couldn't ignore them, because the Ministry was going through a "We think that everyone's advice and input is important, so all your letters and comments will be read!" faze. The penalty for not doing so was being put on probation. Honestly. The wizarding world was going crazy. Absolutely nuts. Whatever you would call it.

He did all the usual spells, and found nothing unusual, just like always. So he clicked the link, only to find another page full of links.

_What was this stuff?_ Harry's Secret Love? The Scorpion and the Rose? Albus Potter and the Magician's Stone? He read through one, Harry and Ginny Through the Ages, and instantly was obsessed.

_Five Hours Later_

"RONALD WEASLEY GET YOUR ARSE OVER HERE!" A few minutes later, a very flustered Ron appeared in the doorway.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT FOR MATE?" Ron shouted shouted right back at him ,when he was that Harry was staring at his computer screen.

"Come over here Ron," Harry said in a shaky voice.

So, Ron came over there. "Albus Potter and the Rose of His Life…. Well that's not a cheesy or cliché or bad or-"

"I get it, it's a terrible title, just read the first few chapters chapter!" Harry said impatiently.

Fifteen minutes later, an equally pale faced Ron looked up from the screen. "Oh no. Do you think that's it's true?"

"I'm not sure. But all the other stories that I've read on this site are, so I'm guessing that it is."

Ron looked at Harry. "This is bad Harry. Very bad."

"You don't say?"

_The Burrow_

"Thanks for inviting us over to dinner Hermione."

"No problem Ginny. It was Ron's idea, actually."

Ginny narrowed her eyes at Ron, who in return chuckled weakly. Ron Weasley, so kind to invite a family of five very voracious eaters to eat his precious food? She didn't think so.

"So Ron," she said, "what was your real purpose for inviting us here?"

"Real purpose?" Ron stammered. "I-I don't have any other purpose than inviting my de-dear sister and her l-lovely family over." _That was a very bad and obvious lie Ron! Get a hold of yourself! Pretend she's Hermione. Wait, no, don't do that. Your lies are even more pathetic when you're telling them to Hermione. Stupid women who can look into your heads. Just pretend she's Percy. Yeah, that will do. I've lied to Percy tons of times. He's such a prat. He thinks that people think he's so important, and that no one would ever lie to the Junior Minister._

"What I mean is, Harry came over to my cubicle today at work, asking if my family and I would like coming over for dinner. I kinda felt guilty, because your always having us over, so I said, 'Why don't you come over to my house?'. He agreed, and now you're here!"

"And if I ask Harry about this, he'll have the same story?"

"Of course." _He better if we're going to interrogate Rose and Albus._

"Okay then!" Ginny ran happily away to talk to Hermione.

_Whew. That was close._

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**So thanks for reading the story! Please review! (I'll update faster if you do!) Let's try for 5 reviews, shall we?**


	2. Chapter 2: First Fanfiction

**And I'm back! In this chapter, they (Harry, Ron, Albus, and Rose) finally read their first fanfiction! And the interrogation isn't like the one in the summary. I couldn't fit the actual interrogation in the word limit, so, I just made a different version. Hope you enjoy! (Oh and thanks for the four reviews! Not five, but close. And I think four reviews is a good number for the first chapter of a person's second fanfiction. Thanks again!)**

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"Are we ready to go?" Harry whispered to Ron.

"Yes we are. Let's review the plan, shall we?"

"What plan?"

"The plan!"

"We never made a plan!"

"We didn't? Why didn't we?"

"I don't know, maybe because we didn't bother thinking of one?"

"That makes sense…"

"Let's just improvise."

"Fine."

So they parted ways to meet their children. Specifically, one child each.

"Albus?" Harry asked. "Can you come with me for a second?"

Albus, confused, just shrugged and said, "Sure."

So Harry led Albus to Ron, who was already waiting there with Rose.

Harry cleared his throat. "Ron and I are here to discuss something very important with you. We need to know the truth, and we support you no matter what the truth is."

Rose and Albus both looked very confused. "So what do you need to ask us?" Rose asked.

Ron looked awkward. "Well…umm… you see… your uncle and I read a story about people we knew online. On a computer. You, know that thing that your grandfather found?"

Rose nodded her head. "Yes…"

"So, we read a lot of the stories, and they were all accurate. And then we read a story about you and Albus…"

"And?"

"You know, we support you. It may be rather disturbing, and I wish you had told us about it sooner, but we fully support you."

"Dad!" Rose was getting impatient. "What do you want to talk to us about?"

"Are you and Albus in love with each other?" Harry blurted out.

Albus and Rose looked at each other. "WHAT?" they said at the same time.

"Umm… yeah. We read a story where you were in love with each other. And since the other stories were real… we just assumed…. If you two are, again, we support you… Even if it is incest." Ron muttered the last sentence under his breath.

Albus looked from his dad to his uncle. "I assure you, we're not in love with each other. Not in _that _way. Can we see this website?"

"Of course." said Harry, who looked relieved.

So Harry went to the Weasley's computer, booted it up, went on the internet, and then…

"So this is the website."

Albus and Rose looked at the screen, and burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Ron asked, confused.

"Dad… This is called fanfiction…."

"Which is?"

"Stories about us and other fictitious stories, made by muggles. I find the site very amusing." Rose said.

"Here, we'll show you that most of the stories are definitely incorrect," Albus said. "Yes. This one should do the trick."

So they settled down and started to read.

**A Drarry Oneshot**

"Drarry?" Harry asked. "What the hell is that?"

"You'll see dad, you'll see."

**Draco sat down at the bar. The war had ended, and the name of the Malfoys was laughed at. No longer did people cringe in fear at it, instead, they laughed and ridiculed it. Draco couldn't go anywhere without being hated and spit at. So he would pull his cloak over his head, and hide out in dingy little bars such as this one.**

"Well this is sad…" Ron said. "Although the git does deserve it. If it actually happened to him. I didn't exactly keep in touch with him after the war."

"And Scorpius told me and Albus that his dad never talks about what happened to the family right after the war." Rose said.

**His life was made even more miserable by the fact that the only thing he wanted right now was unattainable. There was absolutely no hope for it. It made his heart break.**

"This is odd…" Harry said.

**He turned around and groaned. Just his luck. The little green eyed beauty just had to come here. **_**Please don't recognize me. Please don't recognize me.**_** he thought. Of course, Harry had to recognize him.**

"_What?_" Harry sputtered. "Since when does Draco Malfoy have a crush on me? This is completely outrageous!"

"Told you not everything on this website is true. Although it is fun to see your reaction, dad. Trust me, this gets worse."

"**You look familiar…" Harry said to him. "But I can't place it." **_**Please don't place it.**_** Draco thought. **

"**Soo.." he said, trying to sound casual. "What brings you to this place?"**

"**Getting away from the crowds. I'm sick of people only liking me for killing Voldemort, not for me. I also broke up with Ginny. Turns out she was only dating me for the fame.**

"WHAT?"

"Dad, remember that Fanfiction isn't always real."

"**So," Harry said. "What brings you here?"**

"**Well, no one really likes me, and the one person that I like would never like me in a million years."**

"**Ah… Unrequited love. I can relate to that. There's this one guy that I like who would never like me back."**

"**You're gay?" Draco asked, incredulous.**

**Harry sighed. "Yes, yes, the boy who lived is bi. Not gay though. You have a problem with that?"**

"**No, no." Draco said quickly. "Just didn't expect it."**

"**Eh. You reacted better than the few other people who I told."**

"SINCE WHEN AM I GAY/BI?"

"**So who do you like?" Draco asked tentatively.**

"**Can you keep a secret?" Draco nodded his head a bit too eagerly. Harry gave him an odd look, and then continued. "I like Draco Malfoy."**

"WHAT? I DO NOT LIKE DRACO MALFOY! I RESPECT HIM, I BELIEVE HE CHANGED AFTER THE WAR AND STUFF, BUT I MOST DEFINENTLY DO NOT LIKE DRACO MALFOY!"

Ron looked amused. "Calm down Harry. As Albus said, this isn't real."

**Draco gasped. Could it be? "Really?"**

"**Yep."**

"**Well… I have a surprise for you. I know that Draco likes you."**

"**How?"**

"**Because I am Draco." And at that he took off his hood and kissed Harry.**

_**Fin**_

"THAT WAS HORRIBLE TRASH!"

Albus looked smug. "Told you not everything on this website is true."

Ron looked confused. "But how did muggles learn about us?"

Rose looked at her dad. "Did you not hear yet? Abelard Decker, that Department of Mysteries dude, wrote out your story for the Ministry of Magic to publish and give to wizarding families, but he dropped all his papers on a train. Amuggle picked them up, and like that, your story got published. No harm done, cause the muggles think it's fantasy. They love the Harry Potter series. In fact, they like it so much, they made movies, I think."

Ron looked at his daughter. "ARE YOU SERIOUS? THAT IS SO COOL! Wait. Who plays me. Does he look as handsome as me. Cause I don't want muggles getting the wrong image of me."

"The actors look fairly like you. Abelard did a good job on describing you in the books."

"That's good."

Harry, who had finally emerged from his ranting said, "Just you wait Ron Weasley. I will find a story about you that humiliates you. And then you will be… humiliated! Yes! Ha!"

Ron shook his head. "Your way with words awes me."

"Shut up. "

Albus looked at the two adults. "So should we read another one tomorrow?"

"Yes," Harry said. "And we have to bring in Hermione and Ginny and everyone in the family to see Ron get humiliated."

"Okay then. I'll find a really messed up story about Ron." Albus said.

"Great. See you tomorrow guys!" Harry said as Ginny shouted from downstairs, "We're leaving!"

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**Hope you enjoyed it! Oh, and please don't take offense to my version of how Harry Potter was made. I really do believe that J.K Rowling wrote Harry Potter through her genius of a brain, but I had to create a different version for the story. Please review! (It makes me update faster)**


	3. Chapter 3: Ginny the Witch Assasin

**You guys rock! I ask for five reviews last last chapter, and this time you give me seven! Which inspired me to update the very next day! (Catch my drift here? The more you review, the faster I update) Since I feel guilty about not replying to your reviews, I shall do a shoutout for the first time!**

**bookwormlovesharrypotter- I'm glad I made your day better! Thanks for reviewing... TWICE!**

**Pink Mockingjay In Hufflepuff- THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING A GREAT REVIEWER!**

**Maruaders-Fred and George XD, megaharrylover, Brainless Genius, FUNFUNFUN- THANKS FOR REVIEWING!**

**Annie Aurum- You just discovered me today, but you've reviewed all my stories, some more than once! You rock!**

**And that's it! Please enjoy this chapter! A few notes:**

**1. I accept requests.**

**2. I would love it if some of you could write really bad one-shots or stories for me to use for this fanfiction! It's kind of hard to come up with bad stories.**

**3. I need a one-shot with terrible grammar/spelling! It's for one of the chapters, but I can't bring myself to write it. Just goes to show how much I care about quality, I guess.**

**4. PLEASE CONTINUE REVIEWING!**

**5. Hope you enjoy!**

**6. Thanks for reading this insanely long A/N!**

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"So, you're telling me that there are stories posted about us on the web, that may or may not be real about us."

"Yes Ginny." Harry said.

"This is an outrage! I don't care if the muggles think that we're fantasy! I care that this is a huge breach in privacy! Who are these people to think that they can just write stories about us that could make fun of us? Who do they think they are?"

"Calm down Ginny. Not all the stories are real."

Ginny, having not heard Harry over her ranting, continued. "I cannot believe there are stories about you and Draco Malfoy in love with each other! You had better not be cheating on me! I'll set all my brothers on you if you are!"

"Honey, I'm no-"

"This is utter trash! No, I refuse to read this junk that calls itself 'Fanfiction'!"

"We're reading a story where Ron gets humiliated."

"Utter nonse- Wait, what?"

Harry gave an exasperated sigh. "We're reading a story about your brother being humiliated."

Ginny's face instantly brightened up. "Okay, I'm in."

Harry rolled his eyes.

An hour later, they all Flooed over to Ron's house. They immediately ran upstairs to Ron's office, where the whole family was already waiting.

Lily looked scandalized. "Hello? We're here? The guests? Aren't you going to acknowledge us?"

Hugo looked up. "Huh? Oh hi Lily. We were reading a story about Aunt Ginny being an being witch assassin?"

Ginny rushed to the computer. "I have to see this."

"But honey, we were going to read a story abou-"

"I don't care, I want to see me as an assassin."

**Ginny stepped over the man she had just killed. She loved being a killer. It felt so satisfying to take away a life.**

"Well this isn't creepy…" James muttered.

**And as a witch, a simple Avada Kadavra sufficed. No hassle at all, no need for plans, just an Invisibility Cloak and a wand. And there was great pay. **

**For instance, for this job, she would be receiving a total of 956,859 galleons. The rest of her loser family would never be able to get that much money if they all combined their salaries from the past 5 years!**

"Well you're not very nice…" Ron said.

"Shut up. This is fanfiction!me, not real me. Although 956,859 galleons is an amount of money that I would love to have…"

"Please don't become an assassin. It would be a bad example for our children."

"I can't believe you people!" Hermione exclaimed. "Ginny is killing people, and all you can think about is money and bad examples!"

"Mum's right." Rose said.

"You're a suck up." said James.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"SHUT UP!" Hugo yelled.

"Now, now, language Hugo."

"Frankly mother, I don't care."

"And you say we're bad examples."

"I never said that! I said that you only care abou-"

"CAN YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP SO WE CAN CONTINUE THE STORY?" Albus yelled.

**The only thing she wanted was a man in her life.**

"Whatdya mean the only thing she wanted was a man in her life? I _am _the man in her life! And you accused me of cheating!"

**She had ditched Harry ages ago. He was too much of a wimp. Too light. He didn't approve of what she did. She killed him and took all his money.**

"So technically, I didn't cheat on you; I broke up with you and stole all your money."

"And you KILLED me."

"That's not that big of a deal."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

"No. Sirius died a long time ago."

"Oh, haha, very funny."

**She went up to the hooded person. He was the one who needed to pay her. "I have done my job. I want my money."**

**The man looked at her. "And if I don't want to pay?"**

**She snarled. "You will regret it."**

**He laughed. "I don't think I will." He flipped off his hood.**

**Ginny gasped. Tom Riddle was standing in front of her in all his handsomeness.**

"Since when do I find Lord Voldemort _handsome_?"

"Don't know," said Albus. "Maybe it's when you became an assassin."

**She still dreamed of Riddle. That handsome face, those muscular arms. She fell in love with him through his diary, and he looked even better now that she was dark.**

"_Ewww!_" Ginny shrieked. "This is gross!"

"You were the one who wanted to read it mum." Lily said.

"**How about I pay you in a different way..." he said.**

**Ginny's breath caught at that marvelous voice.**

Hermione looked scandalized. "This is horrible writing style! She only thought the voice was marvelous after she knew it was Voldemort?"

"I'm in love with Voldemort, and that's the biggest problem you can think of in this story?"

"**I know you dream of me…"**

"I most definitely do not dream about him. Well maybe. But only nightmares! Only nightmares!"

"**We could be lovers, you and I. Ruling the world… Does that not appeal to you? Is that not better than all the galleons in the world?"**

"I'm just confused on how he suddenly turns handsome again from that ugly face we knew." Ron said.

**Ginny nodded. "Yes…" she breathed. She had wanted this for so long…."**

**Voldemort came in closer, and their lips met.**

"!" came Ginny's shriek.

**Ginny kissed him with a passion, knotting her fingers in his hair.**

"See?" Ron said. "This is what I mean. The last time we saw Voldemort, he definitely _did not_ have hair."

"MY LIFE IS OVER!"

**He broke the kiss to take his shirt off…**

"Okay…." Harry said. "We're not reading anymore."

"Why not?" came the chorus of replies, except for Ginny, who was still screaming.

"I read fast. I read ahead. They shag really soon."

"!"

Everyone winced at the sound. "Well that's a wrap folks, don't you think?" Ron said.

"Hey, hey! Wait up! We were supposed to read your humiliation story!"

"Too bad Harry. Ginny wanted to read the other one."

Harry narrowed his eyes. "You set this up. You purposely left a story up about Ginny so you could get out of this."

Ron smiled innocently. "Maybe…"

"Next time…. Next time…." Harry looked at Albus. "You need to find an even more embarrassing one now."

"Yes dad."

"And Ginny…. Trust my judgment. You could have read about Ron being made fun of. Instead, you read about Voldemort shagging you." He waited for a response. "Ginny?"

They all looked around. Ginny wasn't there.

Suddenly screams emerged from the bathroom.

They all rushed over there. "What the hell are you doing?" Harry asked his wife, who was holding a bar of soap and had very red eyes.

"Washing my eyes out. I can never think the same way ever again. Although my eyes do hurt quite a bit."

"Ginny…" Hermione said tentatively. "This isn't soap…"

"Then what in the name of Merlin is it?"

"It's used to get rid of stuff through acid. Some muggle invention."

Harry groaned. Time for another visit to St Mungos.

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**I really hope you liked it! I'm having tons of fun writing this fanfic. Read my other stories too in the meantime before I update again!**


	4. Chapter 4: Bonding Over Rogonagall

**And I'm back! Now as a beta as well, so if you need one... I also have a beta now, but I didn't send the chapter to her... I was in a hurry to post it, I guess. Anyway, hope you enjoy! And thanks to The Shrubbery for agreeing to be my beta. I also have an email just for fanfiction, to send the bad-fics and stuff... It's ravenclawwithhisnoseinabook gmail . com (without all the spaces, cause it won't let me post it if i don't have the spaces.) Also, thanks to bookwormlovesharrypotter and Pink Mockingjay In Hufflepuff for writing bad-fics for me. I will be using them soon! The idea for the bad fic came from Brainless Genius. Thanks to him/her! Please review!**

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Harry sat down at his office. He needed an embarrassing story for Ron. He had given up on Albus doing the job. He had also forgotten why he had done it. _Ugh. I hate growing older_, Harry thought. He checked his email for the link of the Embarrassing Ron story, trying to remember why he had given up on Albus doing it. He found the link and opened it:

**Rn loved Hermy mor thn envy thing he evr new! So wen 1 nite she decided tht she lurved him as wel! And thy decide to met up the sjriekin shak late nite and then… (A/N: To be continued…)**

Ah. That was why. It was….not what he was looking for, to put it nicely. So he would have to rely on himself as usual. As he browsed through the stories, who to come along besides…

"What do you want Malfoy?" Joy. Of all the people in this department, Draco Malfoy had to come along.

"I'd ask the same about you, Potter. You've been staring at that computer screen forever."

"Didn't know you were a stalker."

"I'm not."

"Says the man who looks at me staring at a computer…"

"I was intrigued."

"I'm glad you find me intriguing."

"Shut up Potter."

"You started it."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"We sound like children."

"I think people are staring."

"Let's stop arguing so loudly."

"Agreed."

Draco went into Harry's cubicle. "So, what are you doing?"

"Finding a story to embarrass Weasel? I'm in."

"I never said I wanted you here…."

"Too bad Potter."

"You're insufferable Malfoy."

"You sound like Astoria."

"People are staring again…"

Draco looked at the computer. "What the hell is 'Fanfiction'?"

"It's stories… by fans… about us…"

"Yes! I always knew I had fans!"

"Please. My fan community is much larger on the website."

"Let me see this…" Draco scrolled through the page. "It is not! I have 995,867 followers! You only have 995,886!"

"One more crazy person, what a difference!"

"Don't use sarcasm with me."

"Yeesh."

Draco looked at the screen. He gave a gasp and nudged Harry. "How about this one Potter?"

"Huh?"

**Rogonagall: How a Teacher and a Student Became Closer Than They Could Have Ever Imagined**

"Rogonagall?"

"You're dense Potter. It's obviously Weasel and Professor McGonagall in some sort of realationship."

Harry give an evil smile. "I think this is what I'm looking for."

Draco smirked. "Told you I was a genius."

"Shut up and read with me."

"I thought you didn't want me here?"

**Ron was in Transfiguration. He still couldn't decide if he loved the class or hated it. His gaze fell on the beautiful woman in the front of the room. He loved being with her, but he couldn't concentrate, and as a result, his grades had went down miserably.**

"I never knew Ron was into older women…. Hermione's going to furious!"

"Fanfiction isn't real. It can humiliate and do many other things, but it isn't real."

"Shame."

**Minerva McGonagall suddenly was in front of him. "Ronald Weasley? Hello? Did you not hear my question?"**

"**You have a nice smell." Ron muttered. Suddenly he realized who he was talking to. "Sorry Professor! It won't happen again! What was the question?" He prayed fervently that McGonagall hadn't heard him.**

"**I asked: What are Gamp's Laws of Elemental Transfiguration?"**

"**Oh, um, I don't know."**

"**Then pay attention!"**

**He loved the way she reprimanded him.**

"This is sick."

"You were the one who wanted to read it."

"You were the one who wanted made me find an embarrassing story about Ron for you."

**Alas! It was an unrequited love. For Minerva could never love Ron as he loved her. Ron felt like he was going to cry.**

"This is pathetic… Ron is not this emotional."

"It's called it says that he's OOC in the summary."

"And that means…"

"He's out of character."

"How do you know this?"

"I used my brain to guess, Potter."

"**Ronald? Meet me after class." Ron's heart pace quickened. Could it be? **_**No, of course not. **_**he chastised himself. Professor McGonagall was old, and most likely had a husband and children. But still, he couldn't help but hope.**

"As I've said before, this is pathetic."

"I whole-heartedly agree with you Potter."

"A Malfoy agreeing with a Potter? OH NO! The world is ending!"

"Shut up. You're worse than Astoria."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You're an absolute drama queen."

"You should see Ginny. She completely flipped over the fanfiction where we were in love with each other."

"Please, she can't be worse tha- wait, WHAT?"

Harry laughed at Draco's expression. "And you say I'm a drama queen."

"**Ronald, it has come to my attention that you have not been paying much attention during class. Of course, you have never been the best student-"**

"How nice…" Harry said.

"**-but even for your standards, you have been falling behind."**

"She's also dense… Can you not see that the boy likes you? He just told you that you smelled nice! Sure you didn't hear it, but-"

Harry cut him off. "Now you're starting to sound like Ginny when she watches _Desperate Housewives_."

"What's that?"

"Some muggle TV show that Ginny's fond of."

"Okay…"

"**I'll try to do better Professor."**

"**If something is bothering you, you can always tell me, you know."**

**Ron sighed. "I really can't tell you."**

"**Yes you can."**

"**No, I can't."**

"**I'm your teacher Ronald, you can tell me anything you need to. I won't judge."**

**Oh, if only she knew!"**

"This angst makes me want to puke…"

"That doesn't make sense."

"You don't make sense!"

"Again, that doesn't make sense."

**Should he tell her? He didn't know if he could keep it to himself anymore.**

"I wouldn't tell her."

"Why?"

"She's an old lady who's strict and a teacher that could whip your butt with magic!"

"Good point."

**Ron decided to take a chance. **

"Fanfiction!Ron is very stupid."

"Amen brother."

"Um…"

"**Professor? I do have something that I need to say."**

**Professor Mcgonagall smiled warmly at him. "Go on then."**

"**I-well, um-I really like you."**

"**Thank you Ronald. I'm glad you like me and my classes."**

"**No, I don't mean it in that way…"**

**Professor McGonagall looked confused for a moment, and then her jaw dropped. "Are you saying that…"**

**Ron hung his head. "Yes Professor. I really like you, and I know if you're disgusted with me, but I couldn't keep it inside me for any longer."**

**Minerva laughed. "I'm not disgusted! Here, since you so bravely told me your secret, I'll tell you a secret of mine. I've always liked this boy ever since he came to school. He's smart, funny, and has a really big and nice family."**

**Ron's heart sank. "Who is it?"**

"**You, silly!" And she leaned closer…"**

"Hey! What did you close the page for?"

"I don't know about you, Potter, but I definitely do not want to read about McGonagall and Weasley kissing."

"Good point."

They stood around awkwardly for a while. Finally, Harry broke the silence. "Would you like to come over to my house when I show this to Ron? I mean, I won't be offended if you don't, it's just that I thought, since you found the fic, that you'd like to be there?"

Draco thought for a second. "Sure," he said.

"Okay then. Feel free to bring Astoria and Scorpius."

"I will."

"Okay then."

They stood around awkwardly before parting and going their own ways.

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**Thanks for reading and please review! Hope you enjoyed it.**


	5. Chapter 5: My Best Friends Mother

**I'm horribly sorry. I haven't updated in ages, I know. I deserve every rage you people give to me. Another bad thing... School's starting really soon for me, which means less updates. At the most, once a week. If I'm lucky. Sigh. **

**On a brighter note (I thought the A/N was too depressing), as a way of saying sorry, I will write a one-shot of one of you people's liking. If no one gives a request, I won't write a one-shot (I'm too lazy to think of ideas). So, yeah. Enjoy the chapter and all that stuff. Sorry again.**

**Oh, and the fanfiction (it's not that bad, the quality's great, I just find the pairing disturbing), wasn't written by me. It was written by Bookwormlovesharrypotter, a devoted reader who was the first reviewer for this story, and has reviewed every single chapter that I have written. Thanks, thanks, thanks, and yeah, just thanks for writing the fanfiction and helping me be lazy :)**

* * *

Draco came home to find his wife sprawled on the couch, watching TV. Desperate Housewives, to be exact.

"Since when do you watch this show?"

"Since Ginny introduced it to me today."

"You saw Ginny?"

"Yep. She was at Diagon Alley, so we went shopping together. She showed me this, and now I'm totally hooked. It's _intense_!"

Draco rolled his eyes. "Well, it was a day for bonding with the Potters, I guess. I spent a little time with Harry today."

"That's great! Now be a dear and get me some more popcorn."

Draco rolled his eyes yet again. He seemed to do that a lot around his wife.

After coming back with the popcorn, watching the rest of the episode with his wife (the show made no sense at all, but Astoria said that it was because he didn't watch the first episode), and finally (a few episodes later), turning off the TV, he told Astoria what had happened today at work.

"So Harry told us about this thing called Fanfiction, where there are stories about us and stuff, that may or may not be real, or something. I'm actually not that sure. You'd have to ask Ginny or Hermione when we go over. Oh yes, that's right. I forgot to mention. The Potters invited us over for dinner."

Astoria squealed. "Yes! Finally, you and Harry have gotten rid of your grudges and such! I've been dying to see the Potter's house ever since Scorpius described it to me! Ooh, what am I going to wear? Can we read a Fanfiction?"

And this is why the Malfoys were in Draco's study, reading a Fanfiction called, _My Best Friend's Mother_.

**"Scorpius, you have better get up!" shouted the voice of Rose Weasley. "My dad is going to take us and Hugo to go to the Cannons game."**

"Oh, it's Rose! Isn't that your girlfriend?"

Scorpius groaned. "No, mother. She's a good friend, that's all."

"Not for long… It's a woman's intuition. You two are _sooo_ going to get together!"

Scorpius rolled his eyes. Draco grinned at his son. At least he wasn't the only one who thought that his wife was ridiculous.

**Inside, Scorpius groaned. It wasn't that he didn't like Rose or Hugo. In fact, Rose was his best friend besides Albus Potter. And her little brother Hugo was like a little brother to him. Even their father, the infamous Ron Weasley, didn't seem to mind that he was staying at his house over Easter break.**

"Well that's a shocker. Didn't Ron throw a lamp magnet at you when you first went over?"

"It was an actual lamp."

"Oh. Ouch."

**For the past few days, all the Weasley family had been able to talk about was going to the Cannons final game ever. Indeed, the Cannons, after years of being defeated and humiliated, were going to stop playing. While Ron, Rose, and Hugo had been nearly in tears since it was announced, they all we glad the they could see their last game. Even Scorpius himself would have been glad to see the game, not that he really even liked the Cannons.**

"Rose doesn't like the Cannons. Hugo doesn't like the Cannons. In fact, I think Ron is their only fan…."

**Normally, Scorpius would go along with the Weasley family. But, recently, he had begun to feel uncomfortable around a certain member of the family. There was nothing he could do the stop from thinking about her. The way her bushy, brown hair fell carefully down her back. And the way she held her hands while carrying her heavy books to the dining room table. Her deep brown eyes pierced his heart whenever she looked at him. As much as he hated to admit it, Scorpius was in love. With Mrs. Hermione Weasley.**

"This is absolutely disgusting!"

"It's disturbing…"

"It's so_ intense_!"

"How is it intense?"

"Don't know. I thought the word needed to be used."

**The past few days at the house had been like torture to him. Mrs. Weasley, or Hermione as she insisted on being called, stayed home to help take care of Rose, Hugo, and him, even though he and Rose were already sixteen. But every time Mr. Weasley, or Ron, came home from his work in the joke shop, Hermione would greet him with a kiss that looked like it came from a newlywed couple. Every time Scorpius saw this, it felt like a knife was being driven into his heart.**

"A bit dramatic, don't you think? I would never feel like that if I was in a similar situation."

"Oh, wait until you actually start to fancy someone. I'm sure you'll feel exactly like that if you were in a similar situation. Just please don't fancy someone's mother. That's disgusting."

"I agree, and on the note of fancying someone… Not gonna happen anytime soon."

**Scorpius at first had tried to deny that he was feeling anything for Hermione. After all, she was happily married to Ron and her daughter was his best friend. And he was only sixteen. But the more he tried to deny it, the more his feelings for her grew. He couldn't go for a minute without thinking about her.**

"I'm acting pathetic."

"Yes you are."

"You're supposed to comfort me and say that this isn't how I normally act and feel outrage with me!"

"Man up."

Scorpius stuck his tongue out at his father.

**Scorpius knew that he had it bad. He also knew that he had to do something about it. So, Scorpius thought up a plan. It wasn't a plan to woo or win her, but rather something to get his feelings out in the air. After he found out that Hermione wouldn't be going to the Quidditch game, Scorpius knew exactly when to put his plan into action.**

"I have a plan now…"

"It's going to be disastrous."

"Thanks for having faith in me, Dad."

"It's only fanfiction!you."

"Thank god for that."

**"Scorpius, did you hear me?" Rose was shouting again. "We have to go now!". Bursting through the door, Rose fell short when she saw him in his pajamas and still in bed. "Scorpius, what are you doing? We have to be at the game in two minutes. Why aren't you dressed yet?" Rose asked, practically shouting at him.**

**"Could you keep it down, Rose?" Scorpius muttered, trying to sound like he was sick. "My head and stomach really hurt. I feel like I'm going to puke."**

"So my master plan is me pretending that I'm sick…"

"It's a bad plan. Mrs. Weasley isn't going to kiss you if she thinks you're sick. No one would want to kiss a sick person. Why, I got sick on your father and I's honeymoon, and he wouldn't even _touch _me, and it was just horrible, so one day, I cornered him and…"

"Stop right there Astoria. We are not going further with that story."

**At the word puke, Rose quickly turned around and hurried out the door. Scorpius leaned back to relax in the guest bed at the Weasley's house. So far, his plan was going swell. Now, Rose would be getting her mother to come and check on him.**

**Sure enough, Scorpius heard two pairs of footsteps outside the guest room he was currently living in. Upon hearing the door creep open, Scorpius turned around so that he was facing it. Sure enough, Rose had gotten her mother to come look at him.**

"Hooray!"

"Mother…"

"I'm just glad that fanfiction!you's plan is working out. Don't you want your plan to work?"

"It's actually the plan of some weird author with a sick and twisted mind…."

"Yes… But the story states that it's your plan."

"It's still the author's idea. I can't believe the twisted person thinks that I would like a middle-aged woman…"

**"Rose said that you felt ill," she stated, walking into the room. "She said that you have a stomach and head ache as well."**

"I really care…"

"You should. I'm supposedly sick. I could be life-threatening."

"It's just part of your plan… You're not even sick."

"I may be faking that I'm not sick by faking that I'm sick."

"That actually made sense in my brain."

"Huzzah."

**"Yes, Mrs. Weasley. I feel absolutely terrible. I don't think I should go to the game."**

**After checking his forehead, which was hot because of all the pushups he had done minutes before, Hermione said, "Well, you do seem to be burning up. Maybe you should say here. But don't worry, I'll stay here with you."**

"You made your forehead hot by doing _pushups_?"

"Don't look at me that way! If it were me actually pretending to be sick, I would of asked Teddy or someone of age to do some spell on me. You know, partners in crime?"

**Then, she went downstairs and talked to the family. Scorpius heard Rose's complaint about him not coming and that he surely was fine. But Hermione was firm and wouldn't let him leave his room. Scorpius, thanking his lucky stars, was glad that no one else came up to see him. Suddenly, the house was quiet and he knew that it was only him and Mrs. Weasley alone.**

"Dun, dun, _dun_!"

"Mother…."

**"Mrs. Weasley," he croaked, putting his plan into action. "Could you please come up here?" Hearing her footsteps, Scorpius quickly arranged himself on the bed so that his covers were beneath him. At the sign of the opening down, Scorpius let out a sigh.**

"A lovesick and painful sigh of unrequited love, a sigh that meant so much, and yet so little, a sigh that-"

"I have the weirdest parents ever."

"No, I'm pretty sure Harry's weirder."

"You keep telling yourself that dad."

**"What is it, Scorpius? What can I do for you?" Hermione asked, looking somewhat surprised to see him on top of his sheets. She had brought him some juice and crackers on a tray.**

"You can kiss my fever away! And then I will take you and put you on a horse, and we will ride off into the sunset and then-"

"Just stop right there. And you say that you're not weird."

"I'm not! I'm a Malfoy, and Malfoy's aren't weird. I was just using sophisticated humor."

Scorpius rolled his eyes.

**Sitting up, Scorpius started his speak that he had planned out for days. "Mrs. Weasley, I know that these feelings are wrong, and that I shouldn't be feeling them, but I can't help it. I just can't get you out of my mind. You are all I think about, day and night. I know that this is wrong because your one of my best friends mums and you're married, but I can't help myself. I'm crazy about you." Hermione, still standing in the doorway, was looking shocked at Scorpius. Then, setting down the tray she was holding her hand, she slowly approached his bed.**

"I'm dying of excitement." Draco said dryly.

"It's obvious that she's going to reject me. I mean, she's married, for goodness sake!"

"That's what makes this fanfiction so intense!"

**"Scorpius," she whispered, leaning in for a kiss. "You're all I ever think about either," she mummer, her lips still close to his. "But I would have never said something to you unless you said it first," she muttered, leaning in to kiss his tender lips again. Not wanting her to talk again, Scorpius cupped her chin in his hand and pulled her lips to his. Firmly attached, they kissed like there was no tomorrow.**

"Okay… So maybe I was wrong. Hermione is a two-timing pedophile."

"Scorpius!"

"But mom! I'm not of age yet, which makes her a-"

"Don't use that language in this house!"

"Yes mother."

"It was an interesting story," Draco commented.

"It was horrible."

"That's because you were in love with a married woman."

"I wasn't," Scorpius corrected his dad. "Fanfiction!me was."

And with that, the Malfoys departed from Draco's study

* * *

**Note: I will be changing the summary of this story when the next chapter is posted. Just thought I'd give you a warning. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It was long, just because I felt bad... **

**Actually, it wasn't. It was long because Bookwormlovesharrypotter kindly wrote a 1,000+ word fanfiction for me. So yeah, thanks again! You made my life easier, for this chapter, at least.**

**I think I got 8 reviews last time. Can we try for 15? Please? Well... I guess that's a bit of a jump.. How about the goal is 10 reviews, and 15 reviews is the SUPERMEGAFOXYAWESOMEHOT challenge? Okay? Okay then.**


	6. Chapter 6: Dobby's Diary

**It's been quite a while, I know. But first:  
**

**OH MY FLUFFY WAFFLES WE MADE THE SUPERMEGAFOXYAWESOMEHOT challenge.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I would do a shout out, but my mom's yelling at me to get off the computer soon. So you know who you are and thanks!**

**Oh and I didn't change the summary for the same reason I didn't do a shout out.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Harry anxiously tapped his foot. Where were the Weasleys? It had been 5 minutes after the arranged time. Ron had escaped last time. He wasn't going to be put off track this time. He would see that Ron would pay for the first fanfiction.

A small voice in the back of his brain told him that he was being childish. He told himself to shut up, causing the Malfoys and his family to stare at him.

"Sorry," he muttered. "just talking to myself." Which just caused them to stare even harder. He sighed. Of course it would. The Boy Who Lived, reduced to telling his own brain to shut up. Sometimes he wished Voldemort was still here. He would have an excuse for his mental insanity.

The doorbell rang and Harry rushed to it, causing the rest of the people in his living room to stare even harder. "It's not polite to stare!" he yelled at them while running, causing him to hit the door.

Ouch.

He opened the door with as much grace as he could muster, and welcomed the Weasleys into his "humble abode" as he called it.

As the kids entered the house, he looked over Hermione's shoulder, expecting to see a head with freckles and red hair. And saw nothing.

"Where's Ron?" he asked.

"Oh, he wasn't feeling so good." Hermione said. "He didn't want to spread the sickness, so he stayed at home."

Harry nearly growled. "Well, I hope he gets better." He said through gritted teeth.

Draco came over to him. "Considering that the Weasel isn't here, we might as well read a different fanfiction." Surprisingly, he didn't seem that disappointed.

"I suppose."

Harry stepped into the living room. "Change of plans. We are no longer reading a planned fanfiction. We'll be reading some random fanfiction instead." He pointed to his office. "Let's go."

The people stared at him for a second, and then followed him.

After booting up the computer and loading the site, they searched for fanfictions to read.

"We could read _The Lion and the Serpent_."

"No. Read the description. _Harry is going through some tough times and the person who helps him is completely unexpected. Enemies turn into acquaintances, acquaintances into friends, friends into lovers. _It's listed under _Hurt/Comfort _and _Romance_. With the characters being Draco Malfoy and me. I've already read a romance about me and Draco."

"The official couple name is Drarry."

"And _why _do you know this Hermione?"

"I bought a book. It's called the Book of Fanfiction Lingo."

"Only you Hermione. Only you would buy a book all about fanfiction terms…."

"We should read _The Diary of Dobby_." Scorpius piped up. "Wasn't your old house-elf called Dobby, dad?"

"Yes it was. You know what? Let's read this. I'm interested in what my old house-elf has to say about me."

"Draco, don't be so self-absorbed." Astoria chided. "It most likely would be _'Harry Potter is great! Harry Potter is awesome! Harry Potter freed me!'_"

Harry smiled. "Yes. Let's read this."

**Dear Diary,**

**Dobby is being a bad elf yes, but Dobby must, yes Dobby must keep this, Dobby will punish himself later. Dobby needs to write down something, for today Dobby heard a horrible thing. Harry Pott-**

**Dobby is very sorry, oh yes he is, Dobby had to punish himself, but Dobby must write it down. Harry Potter is going to be in big danger, Dobby must save Harry Potter, yes he must! **

**Dobby is going to go punish himself now, yes Dobby must do so.**

"This is absolutely horrible!" Hermione exclaimed. "I t believe that house-elves were treated so. Thank goodness S.P.E.W actually went somewhere."

"Please," Harry snorted. "The one hundred or so people that care and have joined S.P.E.W don't really make a difference."

"One hundred people is a lot!"

"Out of the hundred thousand so wizards."

**Dear Diary,**

**Dobby was went to see Harry Potter today. Harry Potter would not believe Dobby, no, he wouldn't. Harry Potter says that he will go to Hogwarts anyways. Dobby must take measures. Dobby must think of a way to stop Harry Potter.**

**Dobby has it! Dobby will stop writing now. Dobby must put his plan into action.**

"I remember his plan. It involved Ron and me nearly getting expelled from Hogwarts."

"And a flying car."

"That was the fun part. And it didn't last very long."

**Dear Diary,**

**Dobby's plan failed! Harry Potter is at school! Harry Potter is not safe. He must go. Dobby must convince Harry Potter that Hogwarts is not a safe place.**

**Dobby cannot write for a while. Master is getting suspicious when Dobby does not answer immediately to his calls because Dobby is writing. Dobby will be back soon though, yes he will.**

"Ah, and thus begins a plan of Dobby trying to save me and me getting nearly killed from his plans."

"Those were the good times."

"Shut up Malfoy."

"We were enemies back then. If I had fallen from the Astronomy Tower during our education, would you have been glad? Yes."

"No, because I am a hero and a good person, and good people do not wish bad things on people. At least not life threatening things."

**Dear Diary,**

**Dobby put his plan into action today. Dobby enchanted a Bludger to hit Harry Potter so that he would leave Hogwarts, but Harry Potter found out and got very angry at Dobby, yes he did! And he said that he wouldn't leave Hogwarts! Dobby has failed!**

"Don't give me that look Hermione. I may have caused him some angst, but in the long run, it was worth it. Had his plan worked, you would still be a stone statue."

"Excuses, excuses."

**Dear Diary,**

**Harry Potter has done it! Harry Potter has saved Hogwarts, and best of all: **

**DOBBY IS FREE!**

**Harry Potter is the greatest wizard who ever lived!"**

"See that Malfoy?"

"Stop being stuck-up."

"At least my wife doesn't care."

"Stop being stuck up Harry." Ginny said.

**Dear Diary,**

**Dobby has not written in a long time, no he hasn't, because there was not much to write about. But Dobby is soon going to rescue Harry Potter and his friends because they are in danger, yes, and Dobby must help them. Dobby will be back, Dobby believes it. Dobby will write more, Dobby promises. But just in case Dobby doesn't, Dobby would say that he would like to thank you for being a good friend and comforter. Good-bye. I will be back tonight.**

They all stared at the entry for a long time. Harry broke the silence. "He never did come back to write more. He died by Bellatrix Lestrange."

"That he did." Hermione said.

Draco stood around awkwardly. "Well this _is_ a fanfiction. Dobby probably didn't have a diary anyways."

Harry just stood there.

"We should leave." Astoria whispered to Draco. He nodded gestured to Scorpius and left the room, leaving Harry to his thoughts about the greatest elf who ever lived.

* * *

**So it ended up being kind of not really sad. Didn't mean for it to go this way. Idea for the chapter goes to FeatherJinx! Thanks. Hope to update soon! (But that's probably not happening...)**

**Can we get ten _new _reviewers (people that haven't reviewed this story yet)? Thanks!**


	7. Chapter 7: Author's Note

Hello all!

Yes, it's been quite a while. I've been rather busy and stuff... But anyways, this note is to tell you that all of my current stories are going to be on hiatus or deleted. I'd like to think that I've come a long way in my writing, and while reading through some of my earlier works, I shuddered at the bad writing.

So... The First Years may or may not be deleted. Not sure.

It's Called Fanfiction will be put on hiatus and be completely revamped.

Mischief Managed will be deleted.

On a happier note, I am in the process of writing some new one-shots, as well as outlining a new Rose/Scorpius story, called Albus Potter's Guide to Sexual Tension.

So if any of you would be interested in reading that, put me on your author alerts!

Have a wonderful rest of the day, and you will see my back and writing in the summer!

(Another quick note. I have a tumblr now, and to match my tumblr username, I will be changing my penname to singingchristmascarolsinjuly . So if you see that, know that RavenclawWithHisNoseInaBook and singingchristmascarolsinjuly are the same person. Unless someone has already gotten to that penname before me. Which is unlikely.)

So, enough of me wasting your time! Have a _lovely_ Easter, and I'll see you in June!


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